Remember Who You're Not
by Insanity-taken-to-new-lengths
Summary: He had no idea who he was, he was trying to find his past. She knew far too much, and she was running from hers. The Xmen are caught in the middle of trying to help both. year post!apoc
1. Chapter 1

He was lying in a snow bank, staring up at the sky, and he was freezing but he didn't care. It wasn't going to storm anymore, the sky told him, even though it was gray and dark and looked more than ready to. There would be no more snow falling on him, trying to bury him alive while he made no effort to stop it. His lips were turning blue, he could feel it, and his teeth were chattering and he couldn't feel his fingers and toes. Why the hell was he in a snow bank again?

If his brain would work he could remember how he had ended up buried in the snow, he was sure, but his brain wasn't working like he was sure it was supposed to. He remembered running for what seemed like hours and then...nothing. Nothing until the sky was looming above him, gray cloud shapes drifting above him like a movie, and realizing that he was buried nearly completely in snow. Everything before the running was blurry too, he wasn't quite clear on why he had been running at all. It had smelled like blood and death and frightened him, he realized, and so he had run as far and as fast as he could and then, apparently, collapsed in the snow.

He raised one hand, disturbing the snow lying like a pristine white sheet atop him, and looked at it. There was dried blood under his nails, it looked like dirt now though. His blood? No, not his, someone else's...Maria? He couldn't put a face to the name, it had simply jumped to the front of his mind and it was drifting away again even as he tried to grasp onto it, think about it, remember who the name belonged to. Only a shadow of guilt came to him as he thought of the name, as though something had happened long ago. But the blood on his hands was only from a few hours ago. And he had no idea how he knew that, either, because he didn't know how the blood had gotten there.

His lack of memories was getting more and more frustrating as he tried to search farther back and still came up blank. It seemed as though things were fading away even as he looked fo them, slipping through his desperate fingers like the melting snow in his fist. Letting out a scream of frustration he slammed his fist down in the snow, it sunk three feet before it hit something solid and even that wasn't the ground, it was just ice.

Something cracked loudly off to his left and he bit his tongue to hold back another scream, freezing in place, only his eyes moving. He couldn't see anyone, only glittering white snow in ever direction around him until pine trees closed in twenty feet away in nearly every direction. Nothing moved after that, and nothing made a single sound, which he found odd. Forests were supposed to be full of happy little animals (and not so happy little animals getting eaten) and noise in general, and it was completely silent. Then again he was a city boy, how would he know?...wait, he was? Where the knowledge had come from he had no idea, once again, and he couldn't find an answer in his disturbingly blank mind.

There was the crunch of snow under something heavy just behind him, and then a warm hand closed over his face, muffling his weak cries of protest. Grey eyes met cold brown ones for a moment before something pinched the side of ihs neck and the world spiraled to black unnervingly quickly. His attacker, if it could even be called that, dragged the now unconscious teen out of the snow easily and threw him over broad shoulders. _I've got him, Chuck._

_Good. Make sure he remains unconscious._

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He drifted in and out of troubled sleep, never becoming quite aware enough of his surroundings to hazard a guess at what was going on. Once he thought he could hear jet engines, though that didn't make any sense, hadn't he been in the snow? He certainly wasn't anymore, unless snow had suddenly become warm and comfortable or he was just that out of it.

The seat was soft, he noted another time he awoke. It smelled like sweat and metal and a little bit of blood, a different time.

None of it pieced together in his sleep addled brain however, vague confusion ruling his thoughts and dreams.

The one time he truly did wake he saw the same eyes he had before, this time accompanied by a rough face with five o'clock shadow. He tried to protest, to get away, but his limbs didn't seem to be functioning properly. "Sorry, kid." The man grunted just as there was another pinch in the side of his neck. The last thing he saw was the man's back and cloudless blue sky out of what looked like a windshield beyond. Except it definitely wasn't a car, not that he could tell with his brain shutting down as quickly as it was.

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Mmkay, that's random. I promise there is a plan...of sorts. Review whether you liked it or not!


	2. Chapter 2

** I wasn't fond of the first version of this chapter, this one stays true to my writing style**

Amnesia, he had amnesia. At least that was what the old man in the wheelchair had said a week ago (at least that's what he was told, he couldn't tell day from night in there). He had also said that he was going to do everything he could to help, but up to that point all he had done was poke around in his head and refuse to tell him the results.

Things were beginning to settle in his head slightly though, it no longer took him half an hour to remember the man's name everyday, and he could remember his own, too. He hadn't woken up screaming last night, but that might have just been all the drugs being pumped into his system. He was healing from broken bones and gunshot wounds he couldn't feel slowly but surely.

None of it mattered though, because he couldn't remember the events that had brought him here. The Professor had said his power manifested and things went wrong, the trauma resulting in (hopefully temporary) amnesia and lack of control. The lack of control being why he was isolated from the 'students' that he had been told inhabited the rest of the mansion. For the last week he had seen nothing outside four white walls and medical cabinets, carrying a artificially clean scent he knew and disliked though he couldn't remember where from or why.

The door creaked slightly as it opened, a warning that someone was entering the room though he had heard light footsteps long before she neared his door. She, it had to be a she, because the professor had been and gone hours ago already and she was the only one allowed to visit him. As soon as she stepped inside there was the faint scent of her flowery soap.

He glanced up from where he was curled in the corner, her shockingly red hair was a pleasant break from the monotony of the whiteness surrounding him. The lost look in his eyes made her pause for a moment, as she always did, and then unconsciously reach out to him. This time he didn't flinch like he had everyday before, letting her small hand rest on his shoulder lightly.

A horrible thought occurred to him as she spoke, how easily he could break those slim fingers, how he could do it with just a thought. "Hello Ryan. Has the Professor been to see you today?"

He nodded, speaking still a challenge, and then tried, "Jean?"

"Yes." She smiled softly and gave his broad shoulder a squeeze, "You remembered today, that's progress."

"Not enough." Brushing her hand aside he stood, unfolding from his crumpled position to stand far taller than he had looked when he was on the floor, towering over her.

"It's better than nothing." Jean murmured, stepping back to allow him space as he stretched. "There are chairs for a reason, you know." It had to be uncomfortable to sit on the floor, but he always did it anyways, and she told him the same thing everyday.

"I know." Ryan shrugged and rubbed a hand absently over his bald head. "You should sit." He nodded to the armchair in the corner, backing up at the same time until the back of his knees hit the low bed and dropping onto it.

"Thank you." She didn't turn her back on him as she moved to the other side of the room, something he noticed out of habit. "How did things go today?"

Ryan shrugged, "The usual. He checked my vitals, spent awhile poking around in my head, pumped me full of drugs and left without saying anything about what he'd actually done." The routine had been frustrating on the first day, now it was beginning to drive him insane. Anger had seeped into his tone, he realized too late as Jean's eyebrows shot up.

"You're mad?" It would have been a statement with anyone else, but it was so hard to tell with him.

"Wouldn't you be?" He snapped back without thinking.

"He's only trying to help." Jean said unsurely, wavering between feeling his anger was rightful and wanting to make him see it her way, as the only possible thing to do.

"Maybe, but that doesn't make this," he gestured to encompass the stark white room, "any less frustrating. This morning I woke up and thought I was going blind before I realized, vaguely, where the hell I was."

"The professor said you can come outside tomorrow." Jean interrupted hurriedly, she had been told what could happen when he became frustrated, and though she had the power and permission to shut him down she definitely didn't want to. "You'll have to come back to sleep here, and stay with me the whole time, but we'll go out and maybe take a walk in Storm's garden and you can meet some of the other students."

That cheered Ryan slightly, though he was still quite obviously agitated, fiddling with the sheets on his narrow bed. "I'm a project, not a student." He murmured, looking anywhere but at her.

"No you're not." Jean snapped, standing and crossing the room to him quickly, "You're a student just as much as anyone else here, and you'll see one the professor has everything settled in that head of yours and you can be out with the rest of us." _When you're __**safe**__ to be out with the rest of us._

Automatically Ryan flinched away at her quick approach; nearly throwing himself off the backwards, but stilled and looked up at her blankly when she stopped directly in front of him. "Maybe." He shrugged and looked away, because his eyes were straying places that even his amnesic brain knew they shouldn't.

"I'll prove it to you, tomorrow." She said firmly, resting a hand on his shoulder. "But for now, I have homework to do."

"Alright, bye." Ryan brushed her hand off and turned over to lie face down on the bed, listening intently until he heard her footsteps receding in the distance.

**Reviewschicken soup for the author's soul**


	3. Disastrous

That day when the Professor visited Ryan they spoke of his upcoming trip outside of his 'room' (more like a cell, in his opinion). As Jean had said the previous day he was ordered to stay at her side at all times and no, it was not a permanent move, he would be returning at the end of the day. However there was a possiblity that he could be moved to a normal room with the rest of the students soon.

"What I am most worried about is your nightmares." Xavier said, frowning at Ryan over his fold hands. "They are still violent, and you lash out with your powers in your sleep. While it might not be visible, or even physical, damage, you would do severe harm to any human being within a certain radius at the time. Unfortunately, that radius expands beyond your own room and would invade the space of others, causing harm that I have no doubt it beyond what you could do in your waking hours."

"How bad?" Ryan asked quietly, eyes wide with fear.

"Your powers cause immense pain without physical damage in their current state, however I fear that while you are unconscious and not imposing limitations on yourself you could in fact cause the injuries to go along with that pain." He was clearly worried about such a possibility. "I know you have the capability to do that," He would not tell Ryan how he knew, however. "but I hope that I'm wrong about the damage you may do in your sleep, it would set back my plans significantly."

Ryan frowned, he was both terrified by the knowledge of what he might do and displeased by the fact that he might be stuck in his room, alone, longer than before. "I hope you are as well."

"Yes, of course. We will have to test the extent of your abilities further soon. But for now, we're done for the day. I suggest you rest before Jean arrives, she will be bringing more suitable clothing with her." With that he was gone, leaving Ryan alone with his thoughts in the disturbingly silent room.

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Several hours later Jean arrived with the promised clothes and a bright smile, waking Ryan from a troubled sleep with a mental prod while she remained in the relative safety to be found outside his room. Even with the precaution she gasped faintly as a wave of aching pain washed over her, rippling from her toes up to the base of her skull and leaving her with a faintly pounding headache.

Despite the pain she managed to smile and greet the boy cheerfully as she entered his room, a stack of clothes bobbing along behind her without anything to support them. They continued to move when she stopped beside the low bed, plopping down on the other side in front of a very confused and still half-asleep Ryan.

"What are these for?" He indicated the clothes and cast her a questioning glance.

"You, you can't go outside in hospital scrubs." Jean chuckled and moved to pick the shirt resting atop the pile, holding it up before him. "We had to guess at the size based on what you were wearing when Logan brought you in, and that stuff was shredded, so it might not fit exactly right. I'll have to take you shopping once you're permanently out of here."

"Oh." One of his hands absentmindedly ran over the soft material of the shirt, "Thank you." The thought of leaving not only his room but the haven of the mansion Xavier had explained to him was an exciting one.

"I'll be just outside while you get dressed, come out when you're ready to go, alright?" She was making her way to the door as she spoke, having dropped the shirt beside him again. When he nodded she disappeared from view entirely, the door clicking shut behind her but missing the familiar clunk of locks sliding into place on the other side.

Obediently Ryan stood and began to change, leaving his former clothes in a pile on the bed rather than putting them in the small bathroom's laundry basket. The soft blue material of the pants (denim jeans, he remember, and how was it that he remembered all these things about the world around him but none about himself?) was cool against his skin, familiar. Once the t-shirt had settled comfortably over his shoulders Ryan moved into the bathroom, which was just as plain and white as the rest of his room, to peer at his reflection in the mirror.

The shirt didn't fit quite right, stressing slightly across his shoulders and back but falling loosely around his stomach and outlining far too many ribs. The pants were fit nicely enough though, baggy and hanging low around his hips, something in the back of his mind told him that this had once been a familiar sight in his mirror.

Brushing a hand uselessly across the stubble beginning to grow on his shaved head Ryan sighed, there wasn't anything else he could do to put off joining the girl waiting for him outside. While he wanted more than anything to get outside his suffocating room the world outside was a daunting concept, especially considering that he couldn't remember any experiences in it, though he remember what it was _like_.

"Lets go," He said quietly as he stepped outside.

Jean, who had been standing on the far side of the infirmary, glanced up at him. "Alright." She smiled as she looked him over, "Those fit better than I thought they would."

"Thank you." Ryan wound his way between various bits of medical equipment and hospital beds to reach her near the door, eyes moving al the while in an attempt to take in everything at once. "Where are we going?" Not that he would know or care when she told him, and anywhere was better than the infirmary.

"Well, I said we'd go for a walk in the gardens yesterday, which we can do, but I was thinking we'd go watch some TV first. A few of the others were in the common room when I passed by, they won't mind a little extra company." In truth the other students were more than eager to meet this 'new guy' that the professor had mentioned, but Jean didn't want to put too much pressure on him by mentioning that, the professor had said he was still incredibly vulnerable to pressure and stress of any sort.

"What sort of TV?" Jumbled memories of programs and movies and news flashed through his mind, he could feel a headache forming behind his eyes already as he followed Jean down the metal corridor outside the infirmary, towards elevator doors.

"I don't know, it looked like a made for TV movie when I went by, they might have changed it." Jean hoped they hadn't changed it to anything offensive, that wouldn't be a good first impression of the mansion for Ryan.

"Oh." They remained silent on the way to the elevator after that, and on the ride up to the main level. When the elevator doors opened into the foyer Ryan followed Jean out, and then stopped in his tracks to stare around in awe.

Sun fell on his face for the first time in _days_, and though he had no specific memory of it the feeling of its warmth on his skin was familiar and comforting. Artificial was so cold and impersonal, he had grown sick of it almost the moment he awoke in his cell. The foyer itself caught his attention next and he turned, looking up the stairs and at the hallways branching off of it.

He had known it was large from the descriptions of both Jean and the Professor, but hadn't expected anything so massive and beautiful. "It's…great."

"I know." Jean said, her hand on his arm so suddenly it made him jump, but he let it remain. "It's been my home for years and I still wonder that I live in such a beautiful place some days. Come on, I'll show you the rest, it gets better." Slipping her hand down to the crook of his elbow she tugged him in the direction of one of the many hallways.

As they walked she explained the location and purpose of everything, and he admired the art hanging from the walls and the vastness of so many of the rooms. Before long they were at the common room Jean had spoken of, and slipped in a side door quietly to keep from disturbing the others in the room, who were watching something on the television.

Ryan watched the glowing screen over the heads of three people on the couch, fascinated by the pictures flicking by on it. It was video of an angry group of people standing outside high gates somewhere, yelling and shaking signs, surrounded by reporters. Too late Jean realized that it was a news program, and exactly what it was displaying.

At nearly the same moment as she started to ask Bobby, who was in possession of the remote, to change the channel, another girl stormed into the room. In one hand, which was gesturing rather vaguely in the direction she had come from, was a bottle full of clear liquid that was definitely not water from the way she stumbled slightly over her own feet on the way over to the couch.

"There's protesters outside again." She proclaimed loudly, words only slightly slurred despite the bottle of what Jean could now see was vodka in her hand.

Soon after she had entered came Scott, who took one glance at the television and demanded loudly that it be turned off. "You know the Professor doesn't like you watching that shit."

"What gives you the right to tell them what they can and can't watch, Summers?" Warren demanded, "I'd like to see the news about _us_ and our _home_, personally." His wings rustled behind him, showing his frustration.

"They don't need to see what new lies they're spewing about us." Scott snapped, turning to face him angrily.

"Stop ordering people around Cyc, Big Bird's right." The girl snapped back, half her attention on the TV screen and half on the arguing men. "Oh shit, no, go ahead and change the channel Popsicle." She grabbed for the remote almost frantically, but Bobby pushed her away easily and remained focused on the TV.

He burst out laughing only moments later as he watched a small figure on the news footage push their way through the crowd of people, causing the shouting protesters to turn their anger onto her. The girl on the screen, now obviously the same girl still trying to wrestle the remote from Bobby's grip, yelled right back. Though it was impossible to hear what she was saying Jean was more than betting it was something rude, especially when she flipped the crowd off as she finally reached the gate and jumped over with inhuman ease.

Both Warren and Scott turned their glares on her rather than each other, while Bobby continued to laugh along with Jubilee and Kurt on the couch. "You are so screwed, Topheavy." Kurt managed to gasp out.

"What did I tell you about…" The girl started to snap at him, but then decided that the laughing blue boy was far from her biggest issue at that moment, and turned to face Scott and Warren with what might have been an attempt at an innocent smile. "Umm, yeah, sorry about that."

"You're not only underage, but stupid enough to go out drunk in public. Do you realize the consequences angering the public could have on the school?!" Scott's voice was barely bellow a yell, his face reddening beneath his glasses.

"Oh get the stick out of your ass and loosen up for once Scott, the world isn't gonna end because I'm a little tipsy and have less than no patience for dumbass bigots." She was more than a little tipsy, swaying on her feet as she yelled.

"Please, everyone, we have a new student here." Jean managed not to yell but to still override Scott's next few sentences, drawing the room's attention to her. "I'm sorry about this Ryan, we're having a…troubled time here at the school." She sighed and glanced around the room, pleased to see that the previously angry and amused faces were now all ashamed, she could sense the emotion rolling off of them. "Everyone, this is Ryan."

"H-hello." He said, glancing around the room nervously. If the rest of the world was like what he had just seen he might have been better off in his cell, at least there no one could give him the headache that was pounding behind his eyes at that point.

"I'm sorry, Jean." Scott murmured, head tipped downwards in indication the he was staring at the floor for a moment. "I'm Scott Summers, or Cyclops, it's nice to meet you Ryan." He stepped forward and offered his hand to Ryan, who shook it awkwardly.

"I'm Bobby, these guys are Jubilee and Kurt." The boy jerked a thumb at his two companions, both of whom still looked amused by the situation.

"Lia," the drunk girl said calmly, not showing any hint of embarrassment. Though her speech no longer slurred she nearly fell when she moved to offer her hand to Ryan, saved only by Warren's quick reflexes as he grabbed her upper arm and pulled her close to keep her on her feet. "Thanks, Big Bird."

With frown for the girl leaning against his chest Warren shifted to take Ryan's hand, "Warren Worthington III, or Angel." He flexed the snow white wings protruding from his back as if to explain the name, emphasizing his lack of a shirt.

In general Ryan was completely unsure what to think of the group of them, all smiling at him as if their former anger was forgotten, not paying any attention to the continued news coverage of their home playing in the background. "It's…uh...nice to meet you all." He mumbled, beginning to feel suffocated amongst all the smiling and completely unfamiliar faces.

Sensing his discomfort Jean took his arm again and headed back towards the door they had entered through, "We'll see you guys later, alright?" As soon as they were outside in the hallway she leaned in slightly, "I'm so sorry about all of them, Ryan. It's just…Lia has a hard time here, and the rest of us are so on edge that it's just so easy to set them off…"

"It's alright, Jean." He said as reassuringly as he could, flashing her a small smile. "I'm sure I'll get used to it."

"I'm sure you will, too." She smiled back, relieved to see him handling the situation so well. "Everyone does after awhile, it can be hard though."

"I'm willing to work for it, anything to get out of that room." His smile faltered a little.

Seeing that Jean redirected the conversation with ease, "Why don't we go outside now? The grounds are large, we don't have to go anywhere near the protesters, and we don't have to come back in until dinner."

They did just that, wandering the grounds and talking about little things (including the inhabitants of the mansion) for the next two hours.

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As soon as Jean and Ryan were gone Scott rounded on Lia again, expression furious and if not for his glasses in the way he would have been pinning her with a ferocious glare. She and Warren were already halfway to another door, though they were making slow going thanks to her unsure steps.

"Do you know what kind of impression your antics must have made on him?"

"Yeah, and I don't really care, doubt he does either." Lia dragged them both to a stop and turned to face Scott with a sigh. "I just…I can't take the pressure Scott." She held up the half empty bottle still in one hand and shook it to catch his attention, "This is my escape."

"You need to…" Scott started, but Warren cut him off, "Let her sleep it off, Summers, rip into her in the morning."

"Alright." Scott didn't look happy about letting it go, but he turned away from the pair anyways, glancing back at the TV. He knew from experience that Lia was going to be impossible to argue with in that state anyways.

"Th'nks, Big Bird." Lia patted him on his bare chest as he began to drag her out of the common room again, and back towards the stairs.

"No problem, Topheavy." Warren smirked down at her as he used Bobby's nickname.

Lia huffed and elbowed him in the ribs, "It's nothing to be made fun of, you like it and you know it." She pressed closer to him, chest to his side, and he was more than aware of _why_ she had been given that nickname as bare skin touched bare skin. The girl really needed to start wearing more than sports bras that didn't quite cover even what they were supposed to.

"Maybe I do." He laughed, knowing that even without the alcohol she wouldn't care about such a comment. "Now let's get you to bed."

Somehow they managed to stumble up the stairs without kill themselves, helped along by the fact that Lia began levitating a few inches of the ground halfway up, which took her weight off of Warren and let him simply drag her along behind himself. They made it to her room, which was fortunately not far from the main staircase, and she dropped onto her bed almost as soon as they entered.

"Thanks again Angel-boy, you know the way out." She mumbled into her pillow, waving one hand at the door.

"Yes ma'am." He chuckled quietly at her state, making sure to grab the bottle of vodka from her limp fingers on her way out and getting no more than a faint whimper in protest.

When he had exited he spent long moments staring at her plain wood door, thinking about the hopelessly drunk girl beyond it. She had been in a semi-drunken state almost constantly for the past week, and he had no idea why, in fact no one knew why. Since her arrival at the institute only three months before she had made it clear that she was no stranger to alcohol, and perhaps more harmful things as well, but never so blatantly.

It was a mystery for another day though, perhaps when she was sober enough to answer questions. It was just…worrying, to see such a young girl consumed by such a problem. Especially one he had come to like moderately well after their disastrous first meeting.

**Hehe, this is a long and rambling one. BUT it introduced an important character, so whatever. Review, people, seriously. Tell me how you like Lia, tell me how you like my x-men characterization, TELL ME SOMETHING.**


	4. Killing Machine

Small hands balled into fists again, swinging out at another approaching figure, just another body to add to the pile. Knuckles impacted a jaw, a satisfying crack echoing around the metal walls, splintering bone with a blow that shouldn't have been possible. Then again, those small fists had the force of a semi-truck behind them, anything was possibly.

"You don't need to use so much force, kid, this isn't about brute strength it's about control." The voice came from high above, but she didn't glance up to see who it was speaking, she would only see the metal form of the control room hanging far above her head. Instead her focus turned back to the mob surrounding, faceless, nameless human-shapes only there to be torn apart by her hand.

One swung, she didn't bother to even try to move out of the way, taking to fist in her gut without so much as a flinch. It only took a blink of her eye to decrease the force of the blow to barely a tickling sensation against her stomach, and only another blink so put enough force behind her own kick to shatter bone with ease. The attacker fell, flickered, and disappeared, only to be replaced by two more. It was almost disappointing that their broken, bleeding bodies were removed before she had a chance to savor her victory.

They came at her from opposite sides that time and she ducked out of the way, letting their own fists impact each other with the thousands of pounds of force. Bones crunched and snapped, blood flew as one fist sunk into the other's head, hand shattering right along with the skull. As they fell she was already turning, lashing out with her heel to the knee of another man. He fell and she slammed a heavy boot down on his throat, gritting her teeth against the disgusting feeling of crushing his spine.

While she wasn't paying attention another caught her from behind, knocking her to the ground. Her skull cracked against the metal floor and a brief yell of pain escaped before she was dragging herself to her feet once again. Before she could turn and dispatch her latest attacker the room flickered, the few people left in the room disappearing without a trace, leaving her alone and in complete silence except for her own panting breaths.

Only moments later the door hissed open and Logan stepped in, his permanent scowl deeper than ever. "That wasn't the point of the exercise, kid."

"Then what was?" She asked, wearing a glare nearly as fierce as his. "You said disable the enemy to demonstrate my power, and I did." There was no evidence that she had anymore, other than a few splatters of blood on her plain uniform that didn't quite smell right, a close copy of real human blood, but missing something that would make it a perfect replica.

Logan's jaw clenched and he growled faintly, but was interrupted before he could voice his frustration. "Yes, you did very well Lia, if I had wanted to test how much force you can put behind a blow. However we have already done that, and the point of these exercises is not to push your boundaries but to fine-tune your power so that you don't do quite so much damage." Xavier's wheelchair appeared around the doorframe, he was wearing a faint smile.

"Why would I want to do _less_ damage?" Lia demanded, frustration clear in her stance. Before…before it had always been about more power, more force, dragging up every last shred of strength and throwing it into the fight, never holding back. Then again, the Institute wasn't before, in fact it was supposed to be an _escape_ from before.

"This is not the world you knew, my dear, the X-men do not fight to kill. The way you fight would do serious, even irreparable, harm to an opponent. If you can learn fine control you could use your gifts to simply disable the enemy, which was what you were meant to do today." Xavier explained patiently. He understood that it was a large adjustment for the girl, however it had been three months since she sought him out and requested to join his team and she had made very little progress in the form of control. "For now though, we are done. Go rest now, spend some time with the other students perhaps."

Lia snorted, "The other students don't want to spend time with me, Professor." She flashed a toothy, slightly predatory grin, "I think I scare them."

"You might not if you made an effort to be friendly towards more of them," He suggested calmly. It didn't take a telepath to see that it was Lia's own fault that not many of the other students particularly liked her, it just made it far more obvious. "Or if you spent more of your time sober."

Her eyes widened in surprise. So the old man did know that she had been drinking, she had to wonder why he hadn't bothered to stop her. "I'm not wasting the effort getting close to your little students, Professor, when they're all just going to fall…"

"No one here is going to die, Lia, I promise you." A promise he had made many times already, and one she would never believe.

"It's only a matter of time Professor, especially with the current situation…"

"It will not become the war you have come to believe in, my dear, I will not let it come to that." He interrupted again.

"Perhaps," she muttered, shaking her head slowly. "Or maybe I'm right, and peace can only last so long with the world out for mutant blood after Apocalypse. We'll never know until it happens, so I suppose there's no use in arguing over it." Still, it had been so long since she had been with people that believed peace was the answer…but she was here to change, to learn to believe in peace. Or at least she was going to try, in return for safety. "I'll see you tomorrow Professor, I'm going for a shower."

Though she didn't particularly _try_ to slam her shoulder into Logan's on the way out, she certainly didn't try not to either. When she had disappeared down the hall, even her mental echo fading from his thoughts, Xavier turned his attention to Logan, "I am sorry about that," he said with an amused little smile. "I should have been more specific in my instructions before I sent her in. Disable still means kill in her mind, which is something we will have to work on."

"You can't reverse years of training in a handful of months, Chuck," Logan grunted, thinking of himself, and X23 as well. "You can't change years of belief in a moment, either." That was a warning.

"She is not here to harm us, Logan, and I do not appreciate your lack of confidence in her ability to change." Xavier paused on his way out to frown at his old friend disapprovingly, though he knew Logan's suspicions came from a desire to protect the mansion as much as simple distrust.

"Just saying, Chuck, you can't just trust her entirely. She isn't one of these kids you saved from their powers, she knows what she's doing, and she's spent a long time fighting, and killing, for the wrong side." Logan pointed out, following the wheelchair out of the Danger Room and letting the door hiss shut behind them.

"And I appreciate your concern, but until she gives me reason to believe otherwise I will trust her." Logan growled faintly, she'd already given plenty of reason to believe otherwise as far as he saw it.

** Just a little bit to give you some ideas about Lia, I'll be back to Ryan in the next chapter. Seriously though people, review. I KNOW you're reading it, I can see the stats, and I'd really like to know what you think. Especially about Lia, 'cause my mary-sue-dar is kinda going off at her.**


	5. Chaos

_ "Maria!" Something was shaking him, pulling him away from her. "Maria hold on."_

_ "Jake!__ D__on't leave me…" It sounded as if she was crying, though he could no longer see her face. Everything was fading away around him, from __the bloodstained room surrounding him to the girl he had been holding to his chest in a death grip. "Please…" She sobbed, hands outstretched towards him, "Please…don't go!" He grabbed for her hands, caught them momentarily, but his grip slipped thanks to the blood soaking both of them and before he could try again she was gone._

Ryan awoke with a gasp, sitting straight up in bed and looking around with panicked eyes. The room he was in was completely white, painfully so, not the dark, blood spattered wood he had been looking at only moments before. It was a bed, not the floor, that he was sitting on, and there was nothing in his arms but crumpled sheets.

-You had another nightmare, Ryan.- Hearing that voice at midnight was becoming normal, he no longer jumped and looked for a speaker that wasn't there. Instead he sat back, took a deep breath, and glared at the opposite wall.

"I can tell." The professor would hear him whether he spoke aloud or thought at him, and he needed to fill the silence with something. "It was another one about that girl."

-The one that calls you Jake?- There was a little bit of worry in the mental voice, though he had to admit it might have been imagined by his racing brain.

"Yeah. She was bleeding out all over the floor, and me, again." That particular nightmare had plagued him for the past two weeks, starting the night after he had regained consciousness, and only occasionally did he dream something different. It was the one that made him lash out the most, or so he'd been told, he was unconscious at the time and since his powers didn't do any physical damage, couldn't tell.

-I see.- Definitely worried, Ryan decided, and slightly hesitant as well. –I think tomorrow it is time for a change in scenery.-

That surprised him, "What, professor?"

-Your powers didn't react as violently as they usually do to such a dream, I think you're ready to stay with the other students. You won't have a roommate, of course, but you're under control enough to be safe between rooms. I'll simply warn the other students not to disturb you while you sleep.- It was perhaps not the best idea, but Xavier was more than willing to reward Ryan's progress. He could tell the strain of being so isolated was getting to the boy, even with his now daily visits to the mansion aboveground with Jean.

"That's…that's great!" It was the only thing capable of making him truly happy at that point, "So, I'd be just like the other students? No more babysitter Jean?"

Xavier hesitated. He worried for the boy's stability for reasons that would never be told to Ryan, but he hardly had an excuse to say no at the moment. –Of course. And if you're doing well, when the school year starts I may enroll you with the other students. Now go back to sleep.- Ryan did as ordered without hesitation, dropping back onto the bed and falling asleep almost the moment his eyes closed. He dreamt of more pleasant things that time, of the freedom awaiting him the next day.

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Ryan was not doing as well as Xavier had hoped with being allowed to join the others. It had only been just over forty-eight hours and he was already distressed by the chaos of it all, holed up his room and trying to find some peace. In the past two weeks he had become used to order, though he hadn't realized it. There was a schedule to his day even though he never knew the time or date.

He would wake up, there was breakfast waiting for him, which he devoured like a starving man (while skinny, he was far from that). Xavier would appear not long after for a standard examination, sometimes with the giant blue man called Hank who spoke in technical jargon beyond Ryan's grasp. They would spend awhile checking him over, the Professor would poke around in his head a bit, and then they would leave. Usually at that point he had gone back to sleep, tired from the mental strain of whatever Xavier had done. Jean would come long after the Professor was gone and stay to talk with him for awhile or take him out into the mansion, bringing another meal with her most of the time. When she was gone he would sleep more, because there was really nothing else to do but think, and a man without memories had very little to think about.

Outside of his cell in the mansion, though, there was nothing but chaos. The only thing he could find that was constant were the three meals served in a crowded dining room, and even those were full of noise and motion and chaos he was unused to.

Ryan couldn't remember ever being around so many people before; he didn't know how to deal with it. Despite the fact that no one had been anything but kind and understanding they terrified him. Which had led him to flee back to his room an hour after breakfast and huddle in a corner with one of the books he had found on a shelf in his bedroom.

They were all titles he recognized, from where or when he wasn't sure, but they were familiar and that was more than welcome in the current situation. Xavier had said they were things that had jumped out at him while he was trying to restore Ryan's memory and so he had provided them. What Ryan never had to know was that Xavier had never intended to restore his memory, even if it had been possible, which it wasn't. And didn't that just deal with a whole set of moral issues for him so cleanly? Not that it mattered to anyone, because no one but Logan would ever have to know.

The council of Elrond was just assembling when a heavy knock sounded on the door, and Ryan nearly jumped out of his own skin. He had been in his own little world, which was a nice change from being lost in this big, confusing one he didn't know.

"What?" His voice was cold, almost angry, hopefully conveying his frustration at being disturbed.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to come downstairs and watch a movie with me?" It was Jean. Sweet, kind Jean who had been visiting him from the start. The only teenager in the place he was familiar and comfortable with. Ryan sighed in relief.

"Of course." He called back, marking the page in his book and tossing it aside. It took some effort to convince himself to leave the armchair tucked in one corner of his room, it was safe and comfortable and very much like the one in the corner of his room (cell) in the infirmary. Familiar. He had to remind himself that it wasn't any different to be living upstairs and keeping himself locked in his room than to be locked up downstairs alone.

When his door swung open Jean was waiting outside, a smile on her face already. "Great, come on." She turned and was halfway down the hall before Ryan even thought to follow. Being able to step outside his door whenever he wanted was still amazing after only two days, and it took him a moment to process anything beyond a sudden rush of freedom.

His feet finally kicked into gear and he jogged to catch up with her, "What are we watching?"

"I'm not sure." Jean shrugged, glancing over at him. "A few of the other students are going to be there, I hope that's alright with you."

"Yeah, of course." Ryan answered after a moment's hesitation. There wasn't any way to escape now, anyways, because Jean would want to know why he had suddenly changed his mind, and he couldn't tell her that he was scared of the other students and the disorder they brought. "It sounds…fun." That was a lie, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

** This is basically just a filler chapter to introduce his discomfort with the whole situation, but I wanted to get it posted rather than wait and connect it to the rest.**

**allyg1990: First off, thank you for reviewing every chapter so far. Also, thanks for the reassurance on Lia. Something about her still sets off my sue-dar though, dunno, guess it's the past in the works. XD **


	6. What the hell

Ryan hesitated at the door to the common room, noise and light assaulting his senses, along with the scent of burnt popcorn hovering in the air. When Jean had said there would be a few other students there he had expected one or two, not the seven that were packed onto various couches and sprawled across the floor.

A few looked up to mumble greetings as Jean entered, and then when Ryan did as well. Two in the corner were in the middle of a whispered argument, the girl he remembered as Lia, and the boy who wore sunglasses inside, Scott, the one who was always with Jean now. Scott looked up, waving at Jean quickly and calling a greeting across the room before turning back to Lia, frown returning full force.

"It's not that big of a fucking deal." Lia snapped, standing quickly. Unlike the first time Ryan had met her, the girl's steps weren't stumbling and her voice was quick and clear rather than slurred. "Get over it, alright?"

"What you're doing is dangerous, Lia." Scott stood as well, towering over the small girl.

"Living is dangerous." She snapped, not seeming to care that most of the attention in the room was focused on the two of them now. "If the Professor gave a damn, he'd make me stop, he's perfectly capable of it. Since he doesn't, you shouldn't either. Give it up before I _make_ you."

"Lia, Scott, why don't you both calm down?" Jean asked calmly, crossing the room to put a hand on the smaller girl's shoulder, half to comfort and half to hold her back if she tried anything. "This isn't the time. And Scott, as much as I hate to say it, as long as she's not hurting anyone else…"

"She will, though." Scott muttered, but he turned away and sat back down on the couch. He didn't look happy about backing down.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, asshole. I do have _some_ self-control." Jerking away from Jean she went to sit on another couch, freezing halfway there, expression one of complete shock.

"I'll believe that when I see it." Scott's comment fell on deaf ears, she wasn't paying attention to anything but the boy standing awkwardly beside an empty armchair.

"Jake?" Lia's hands clenched into fists at her sides, nails biting into her flesh. She had to be hallucinating, he couldn't be there, he had disappeared.

"What?" The name was familiar, stirring something at the back or Ryan's mind, but as usual he couldn't grasp onto it.

"You're…" With a shake of her head she dismissed the thought. It looked like him, sounded like him, but obviously it wasn't. "Never mind, you just look like someone I knew back home."

That made Jean freeze. She remembered what the Professor had told her, they needed to keep Ryan's past out of the picture to let him heal and adjust, bringing it up would ruin everything. If Lia knew him from before they could have problems.

"Oh." Ryan frowned, "I'm sorry. You sounded angry."

"I was, am." Lia snapped, correcting herself halfway. Jake was still alive, and she was still angry, that wouldn't change until he was long dead. "He's an asshole on an extreme level." Her brown eyes narrowed as she studied his face, an idea striking her. "X said you have amnesia."

"Yeah…hey! What the hell?" She had walked around behind him, grabbed the collar of his shirt, and tugged down until the shirt front felt like it was choking him.

"Fuck." Exactly what she had hoped not to see was there, a thick, coiled snake tattoo making its way down the raised line of his backbone. "He knew! He knew and he let you come here. Amnesia my ass."

Ryan yelped as she pushed him forward, stumbling a few steps before regaining his balance and spinning to face Lia, or at least where Lia had been. She was halfway out of the room and he only stood and watched as she disappeared around the corner, completely shocked. "What the hell was that?" His questioning eyes turned to Jean for the answer, but she only shook her head.

"I don't know, Ryan." She bit her lip, trying to think of a way to brush it off. "As I said, Lia has a hard time here…"

"Don't make excuses Jean, I want to know what's going on!" Ryan snapped, his shock turning to anger. "I can't remember a damn thing, no one has told me _anything_ about my past, and she seems to be the one person who has a clue who I was, but you're just going to brush it off and move on like every other time I've asked." He was yelling, clenched fists shaking at his sides as he stepped forward threateningly, though it wasn't intended that way.

Jean screamed as her knees buckled, her thin arms wrapping tightly around her stomach. The world was going black at the edges, the last thing she saw was Ryan hovering above her before Scott pulled him back, "Jean! Jean can you here me? What the hell did you do, Ryan?!" And everything went black as the pain became too much.

**Sort of another filler chapter, but it's getting to the plot! Mmkay seriously people, I can tell you're reading it, review or it's not really worth it for me to post. **

**allyg1990: We'll find out who Maria is pretty soon. Jake is _a_ ** **name, not necessarily his 'real' one.**


	7. Runaway

Someone screamed behind her but Lia ignored it, storming out of the common room and towards the garage. She needed to get out of there, fast, because that was _him_ and if she didn't get far, far away she was going to do something incredibly stupid.

The garage wasn't far down the hall and as usual it was packed full of cars, none of which she had the keys to. It was hard to hotwire a car while she was crying so hard she could barely see, but finally she managed. As soon as the garage door opened she was speeding down the driveway, barely waiting for the gates to open and not caring that the protestors outside were forced to scatter or be run over.

It didn't take long to drive clear through Bayville, it wasn't a large town, but by the time she had passed the city limits her hands were shaking so badly it was a miracle she didn't drive right off the road. Lia was a lot of things, but she wasn't suicidal quite yet, and rather than do that she stopped. Her forehead dropped against the cool leather of the steering wheel and she let out a sob. "I want to go back." _Back home, before Jake and Apocalypse and hell, before Maria._

Maria. Sweet little Maria who could never do anything wrong. The one she had let die out of sheer stupidity.

-Lia, I need you to return to the Institute.- The Professor's voice rang through her haze of tears and guilt, dragging her back to reality unwillingly.

"No." She said aloud, knowing that he would hear her anyways.

-I know you have history with Ryan but you can't blame him for it now, he doesn't remember a single thing he did. Return home and let us work this out, please.- There was an almost desperate edge to his mental voice.

A bark of a laugh escaped her, "Just because he doesn't remember doesn't mean he isn't guilty, X. You can't rename him and call him a new person, he's still the same man who did…everything. He isn't one of your innocent little students or a pet project to reform, neither of us are."

-He is not beyond saving, whatever you may believe.-

"Tell that to me when one of your students is bleeding out in your arms, sweetheart." She snapped, pounding a fist into the steering wheel. He needed to understand, he was going to get them all _killed_. "I'll come back, but only to save you from your own stupidity, and not right now. You don't trust him, understand? And you don't let him alone with the little kids? I'll be back in a day…" Or five. She needed time.

His mental protests were ignored until he simply stopped trying, the last thing Lia heard from him was a warning that he would be sending someone after her if she wasn't back by the next morning, and then his presence was gone from her mind. When she was sure that she was alone in her thoughts Lia decided where to go, there was only one choice, really, but she hoped that Xavier didn't know that.

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It was past noon by the time Lia made it to the tiny apartment in the next city over (Bayview next to Bayville, how original). She hoped against hope that who she was looking for still lived in the rundown little building, Apartment four-ten at the top, if memory served. It was possible (more than likely, actually) that it had been moved since she left, things always changed when someone left, it was too dangerous to leave them the same.

Knocking sharply on the door, which desperately needed new paint, she called loudly to whoever might be inside, "I'm looking for the Watcher."

The door creaked and groaned as it opened just enough for someone to peak out, but moments later was thrown open the rest of the way. A man over a foot taller than Lia pulled her into a hug, taking her right off the ground. Automatically she wrapped her arms around his neck, squeezing back with all of her considerable strength. "Runaway, goddamnit we've missed you."

"I've missed you too." Despite the sincere tone in her voice the moment her feet touched the floor again her fist connected with his jaw, though it had none of the unnatural force of her powers behind it.

"The fuck, Lee?" He demanded, anger flashing in his eyes as he gingerly touched his quickly reddening jaw. It could have been worse, he knew, she could have broken every bone in his face with ease.

"Asshole!" Lia nearly yelled, only keeping her voice down because she could hear voices in the next room, voices she recognized. "_Runaway I'm sorry, he's gone. Watcher._ He disappeared and that was all you could manage?!" It had hurt, receiving such an impersonal note in his shaky handwriting, and knowing what he was talking about but having no context or idea what was going on to cause it.

"Hey, if you hadn't noticed you're wanted dead by rather a lot of people." He snapped, "Even that was a risk, be glad I'm willing to risk my neck for you. I'll never know why I bother, when this is the thanks I get." Storming into his home, punching him in the face and making demands before she was even through the door, was something she had always been good at.

Sighing she wrapped her arms around his middle, tucking her head against his broad chest. "Thank you, Watcher. I'll never know why you do either, but I'm glad, dunno what I'd do without you."

"Die, that's what. Or be completely cut off." Watcher picked her up easily, kicked the door closed, and turned into the apartment. "Everybody else'll love seeing you, come on." She didn't have much choice, cradled in his arms like a small child there wasn't much she could do to escape.

There were three other people in a back room of the apartment (which was far larger on the inside than one would think was physically possible from the outside). Two of them, who had been sprawled out on the floor in a tangle of limbs, jumped to their feet at Watcher's entrance, the third remained seated in a broken down old armchair in the corner, obscured entirely by shadows.

"Lee!" The smaller of the two screeched, throwing himself into Lia's arms the moment her feet touched the floor.

"Been a long time, sweetheart." The larger rumbled, thumping her on the back affectionately, but painfully.

"Yeah." Lia winced and rubbed the shoulder he had touched, one arm still slung around the shoulders of the tiny boy. "It's great to see you guys again, but honestly that's not why I'm here, because I'm not that fucking suicidal and I was kinda expecting a bullet in my head the second I was through the door."

"That's what you should have gotten." The girl in the armchair hissed, turning angry fire orange eyes on Lia. "You stupid bitch, you idiotic runaway, you deserve nothing more than that! Honestly, it's a waste of a good bullet." A faint click was the only warning before the girl was standing, a pistol trained on Lia's forehead, "I have plenty though, I think I can waste one."

"You know that won't do much good, sweetheart." Lia smirked, though fear was scrabbling at the back of her mind.

"Oh, have your reflexes gotten quicker? I'm _so close_, could you stop the bullet?" Fear choked any response Lia might have given as the girl tightened her finger on the trigger. It occurred to her that it really wasn't fair that time didn't seem to slow down and give her more time to react like it did in the movies.

**This chapter is really freaking confusing even to me...and a cliffhanger! It really wasn't meant to be, but it's late and I'm tired and it took me so long to even get the idea for the entire thing worked out completely that it'll take ages to get the rest. Which means review or you might not get it for weeks, because I am that lazy.**


	8. Breakdown

Bullets. She had always been so bad at stopping bullets. Punches, kicks, thrown rocks and other debris, those she could make no more than a tickle on her skin. But bullets always escaped her, reflexes never quite quick enough to catch them. That hadn't changed since she joined Xavier.

Blood fountained from her shoulder, and even as her knees buckled Lia was thanking every god she could think of that the girl's hand had jerked as she fired, or the bullet would have been through her head and she would have been down for good. "Fuck." She hit the floor and rolled onto her back, staring wide-eyed up at the ceiling.

"Lee! Lee are you alright?" Hands on her arms, dragging her to her feet again, out of the steadily growing puddle of her own blood.

In the background she could hear yelling, a scuffle, and then the girl was dragged into her vision with both arms held tight behind her back by Watcher. "What the hell were you thinking, Kay?" He shook her violently, and Lia worried that he would dislocate the poor girl's shoulders.

"She was just…following orders." Lia grunted through clenched teeth, trying to keep her mind off the steady throbbing in her shoulder and the trickle of warm wetness down her back. She'd had worse. It wasn't worth her attention.

"Like you should have the second she got here!" Kay yelled, struggling to free herself. Watcher's grip was strong though, and eventually she simply gave up and slumped backwards against him. "She's a traitor, a runaway, she _let Maria die_ and she should pay for it with her own life."

Before Watcher could say something that would surely be angry and stupid, if the expression on his face was any sign, Lia interrupted, "She's right, about all of it. Let her go."

"She'll try again." Only then did she realize who was holding her up, the smallest of the three men, and she slumped further into him to stay on her feet.

"Of course she will Mason, I wouldn't expect any less of the stubborn little bitch." Insult rolling off her tongue like nothing, old habits were coming back already. "But she'll have bigger things to worry about when I tell you why I'm here." Lia was confident that her news would be enough of a shock to stop the violence, "I've found Jake. Well, actually, he found me." She was right, Watcher dropped Kay's arms out of shock and she didn't make a single move, just stood there with horror in her eyes.

"What the hell?" Watcher was already moving towards the door, furious. "Take me to him right now, kiddo."

"No, wait." Pulling out of Mason's steadying grip she lunged forward and grabbed Watcher's arm, holding him back. "He has amnesia, doesn't remember a damn thing, and I kind of told the Prof. I wouldn't kill him."

"So you won't." Mason snapped, "We will." He was tugging on a leather jacket, slipping a gun into an inside pocket along the way.

"Don't you fucking dare." Lia growled, spinning to face him but keeping her grip on Watcher's arm. "I made a goddamn promise, alright? But I'm still going to be the one to kill him." There was no way anyone was getting the honor of killing that animal but her. "It's my right, Maria was _mine_."

"She's right." Kay muttered, though she didn't look happy about agreeing with Lia. "I want her dead, but I want him dead more, and it's her right so me and Bear'll stop you if you try." She jerked a thumb at the biggest man, who was watching all of them warily, as if he expected a fight to break out at any moment.

"Don't drag me into this." Bear snapped, holding his hands up and backing away, "I'm not going up against a telepath, he'll shut us both down."

"I will." Watcher growled, the only warning they would get. "Lee, you just said you can't kill him. You can't expect us to wait around until you feel like breaking your word."

It was a lot to ask, but she was going to. "Yeah, I can." They owed her that much at least. "I just need to prove that he's still the psycho bastard that nearly took out half the California band, alright? And then I can take him apart and scatter the pieces to the goddamn wind."

"How long is that going to take though, Lee?" Mason was restlessly tossing a knife between his hands, "We can take him out _right now_. Or you could. It's not like you've never broken your word before."

"I can't, Mason, Xavier gave me a home and I really need it right now. I know what you're going to say but I can't go back, even killing Jake won't be enough to get into their good graces again." She wished she could go home, back to California and the mess she had called family. But they weren't her family anymore, they'd kill her on sight and, honestly, it was nothing more than she deserved. She was a runaway, she was the one who had abandoned them, and there was no going back.

"Stay here with us, then." Bear offered, as if he really believed that she would, that she could.

"They'd find out and they'd kill everyone, it's bad enough I'm here if I stayed we'd all be screwed." They all knew it, why had he offered? To drive the pain a little deeper? The longing to be somewhere familiar with people who knew the pain and the hate and wanted to forget it all just as much as she did. "Look, just give me two months, if Xavier doesn't realize how dangerous he is by then, go ahead and kill him with or without me."

"Why did you even come tell us if you didn't want to do anything about it?" Watcher was projecting his frustration, Lia's skin prickled and the hair on the back of her neck stood on end as emotions that weren't hers washed through her mind.

"Because you deserved to know. Because if anything happens to me then there's somebody to deal with it now." She paused, frowned, then admitted, "Because I needed somebody to whine to, and I really couldn't stay there tonight. And…and this is familiar, and safe, and home and he can't get me here." And, fuck, she was terrified. Terrified of the idea of living under the same roof as the bastard again, terrified of being the only one who had any real idea how dangerous he was.

A tear slipped down Lia's cheek as the fear and the hate kicked in full force again and her backside met the floor painfully as her knees buckled. Sobbing quietly she curled into a ball, burying her face in her knees. "They're good kids and I left them alone with a monster and an idiot teacher who won't keep him on a leash." She needed to go back, she realized it then, because they weren't safe. But all she could do was sit on the floor and sob.

Strong arms wrapped around her and lifted, and she was pressed against a distinctly feminine chest. "I hate you." Kay muttered even as she dropped a kiss to the top of Lia's head, "Stop looking so goddamn pathetic and broken and making me feel sorry for you."

"'M sorry." Lia choked out, turning her face into Kay's shirtfront to stifle another sob, "I never cried." When she ran away, when she got the note, when it really sunk in that Maria was gone. She drank until she passed out, but she never cried.

"I know, sweetheart." Kay sat down in her armchair again, settling the other, smaller girl on her lap comfortably and running a reassuring hand through her hair. "Neither did I. But we'll get him, I promise." _It's __all your__ fault, but I'll help you get him anyways, because I loved her too._ She had to wonder where she had gone from wanting to shoot Lia to wanting to comfort her tears. It was just a little bit of the old times shining through, maybe.

"We will." Another hand settled on Lia's shoulder, big and broad and warm through her thin t-shirt. The projection of frustration was still there, but overwritten by concern and sadness that was only making her sob harder. Watcher's hand squeezed gently then released and she heard him cross the room, "I promise." He was gone, retreating to his own room to get a handle on his emotions.

Mason murmured his own reassurances and left, he never had been one for showing emotion. Only Bear and Kay and a sobbing Lia remained, silent for a long while. Through her tears and grief and anger Lia wondered how it had become so awkward. Long ago, years ago now, back home in California they had been a family. But the four had wandered off to the other side of the country and left Lia behind, hiding out in the mountains because she was too scared to face the outside world.

"When did it change?"

"Too long ago to fix." Bear rumbled, crouching down beside the chair and tangling a hand in Lia's short hair.

It was only that night, Lia realized; they would only be the same for that night. Tomorrow Kay would hate her, and the boys would be people she didn't know again. But that was tomorrow, and for that moment she was sobbing into Kay's collar like a lost little girl, because that was what she was and always had been.

**This chapter is really fucking weird, I realize that, but I couldn't seem to make it make sense and yet go where it needed to. I know they did a pretty much complete turnaround from beginning to end, or at least Kay did...and if you think it's too weird, review and tell me and I will do my best to fix it. No promises though.**


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